I’m not gay but I don’t care if you are

All in the confines of the King’s Palace

Southeast Asia: Loves and Hates

Loves

  • Free tea with almost every meal
  • Children yelling hello and giving high-fives in the street
  • Sandals and shorts are appropriate everywhere
  • The conspicuous absence of police
  • The variety of fruit
  • $3 hostel beds in every city
  • $1 meals
  • "Same same but different"
  • Unashamed plagiarism of everything: movies, music, books, brands, storefronts, designer clothes, jewelry, etc. A Vietnamese friend put it perfectly when another girl copied my jack-o-lantern design: “Vietnam very good at copy.”
  • There’s always a motorbike around when you need one
  • People will sleep anywhere, at any time
  • Cows are community lawnmowers
  • No coins! (except Thailand)
  • Monks doing normal people stuff - using cell phones, riding bikes, surfing the Internet. Always funny.
  • No tipping!

Hates

  • Being hungry after every meal
  • Blatant dishonesty of the tourism industry - “yes yes, no problem my friend.”
  • Lonely Planet refusing to admit that some cities just plain suck. Beware of code words “charming” and “acquired taste,” which translate to “stay away.”
  • There’s always a motorbike around when you don’t need one
  • Hot girls are sometimes not girls. Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “hot or not.”
  • Low regard for nature and preservation
  • Foreigners paying higher prices than locals
  • Service is terrible (see “no tipping”)

Ladyboy hooker fight anyone?

I had my hair pulled, was punched, my iPhone swatted and grabbed at by teeming transgender Thais, all just to keep this video in tact. Just for you.

You’re welcome.

The Madame in the bright red dress presides over it all, in what I can only describe as Cold Hard Hooker Justice.

Offbeat adverthaising

Compar-adise Found

The real Koh Phi Phi

"There once was a time when sex was safe and diving was dangerous."

I’m an officially licensed open water scuba guy. Which means you should never feel safe treading water in the ocean again.

Recipe for creating your very own Thai pop sensation music video!

Ingredients

1. One (1) not-terrible-looking frontman/woman

2. Four (4) attractive girls who are vaguely familiar with the swaying motions of the Hawaian Hula dance

3. Green screen

4. Google Image search engine

Directions

1. Teach frontperson lyrics to song

2. Position Hula girls behind frontperson, all in front of green screen

3. Play music

4. Prepare literally any image(s) to place on green screen (Google Image: ‘park’ or ‘rainbow’ or ‘restaurant’)

5. Enjoy!

For extra spice, add a fifth swaying Hula girl and primitive film editing technique

Your finished product should come out looking exactly something like this: